


look at my friend from california (he really likes the freckles on my face)

by lunasmare



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Alternate Universe - No Upside Down, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barbara "Barb" Holland Lives, Bi Steve Harrington, Gay Billy Hargrove, Harringrove, Hurt Billy Hargrove, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, One Shot, Period-Typical Homophobia, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 02:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16254809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunasmare/pseuds/lunasmare
Summary: steve harrington is a fucking mess. he overdoses on prescription pills and lands himself in the psych ward, where he meets a bubbly boy who hangs onto his every word, a strange little girl who seems to know everything about him, and the most attractive boy he's ever seen in his life.1/2 chapters posted, expect the next soon





	look at my friend from california (he really likes the freckles on my face)

**Author's Note:**

> -totally fudged the timelines but whatever, that's fine, what's consistancy? takes place in '86, steve and billy are 17  
> -trigger warning for drug use and stuff of that sort  
> -title from california friends by the regrettes, switched the pronouns to make it mlm instead of wlw

steve harrington was a fucking mess. everyone could see it, but nobody saw what happened in 5th period english coming. 

he had a bit of a realization, after a particularly bad breakup with his girlfriend, laura. and with the help of tom cruise and the volleyball scene in top gun, his  _questioning_ grew into a full blown  _panic._

having a sexuality crisis is hard enough when it's  _not_ the midst of the reagan administration, and the aids crisis, and indiana, and when you hadn't called one of your closest friends a queer and beat the shit out of him last year. he still felt bad about that. tommy was a good guy.

and that, on top of the nightmares, on top of the flashbacks, on top of the loneliness, on top of the paranoia, on top of fucking everything else, it was too much. everything was too much. and so  _maybe_ he found a bottle of his mother's anxiety pills and  _maybe_ he started taking some to sleep.  _maybe_  he started taking more. and more. and maybe when he came down from them he felt worse, so he kept taking them so he was high all day. and maybe when he ran out he bought pills from that sketchy guy who hung out by the quarry.

and maybe he got sad in fourth period. and maybe he went to the bathroom and took half the bottle. and maybe he fell asleep in 5th period and maybe he woke up in a hospital bed. 

 maybe.

/////

when he woke up, he was strapped down to the bed. he started straining, before he even realized how he got there. a kind faced candy striper with brown wavy hair smiled at him, laid a hand on his arm. "calm down. you'll just hurt yourself more. you aren't in the place physically to do that."

"what's going on? all i remember is falling asleep in class."

"do you remember taking half a bottle of alprazolam?"

"oh. right." shit. fuck. what about his parents? where were they? are they here? they'd be so mad-

"so your parents kinda suck, don't they?" the candy striper turned around, busying herself organizing something in a cabinet above the sink. 

"well. kinda. but how do  _you_  know?" steve frowned. "are they here?"

the candy striper, who steve decided to call peppermint, frowned, said, "i'm sorry."

"so they aren't."

"no. the paras called, but they were in australia, something about business. they gave the insurance information, and they said we could discharge you to hph." peppermint had premature frown lines, which steve found strange.

"you're sending me to the fucking  _psych ward!"_

"steve, you tried to kill yourself." peppermint sighed. "i'm not the nurse. so i don't know much. but i know that when teenage boys come in with an overdose, they go to rehab."

"that's bullshit. i'm not an addict."

"yeah. about that. we need you to fill out this questionnaire. be honest. i volunteer here every day after school, so i don't wanna see you here again."

steve took the paper, sighing. "do you have a pen?"

"well, since you're a suicide risk, we actually need you to use a marker."

"alright, peppermint."

"that's cute. just tell the truth there."

/////

**HAWKINS PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL**

__**ADDICTION ASSESSMENT** _ _

_**(Please answer in yes/no format)** _

**Have you ever had problems at work, school, or in social situations caused by your drug use?**

_yes_

**Do you use prescription drugs to get going in the morning, or relax at night?**

_yes_

**Have you ever had legal problems related to your prescription drug use, such as being cited for driving while impaired?**

_no_

**Do you use prescription drugs in an attempt to cope with stress, pressure, and other negative experiences?**

_yes_

**Have you used a prescription drug in larger quantities, more frequently, or for a longer period of time than directed by your doctor or pharmacist?**

_yes_

**Have you ever borrowed or stolen drugs that were prescribed to someone else?**

_yes_

**Have you ever exaggerated or lied about symptoms to a doctor in order to get a prescription for the drug that you have been using?**

_no_

**Have you ever lied to or otherwise attempted to deceive friends, family members, or colleagues about your prescription drug use?**

_yes_

**Do you feel as though you need to use prescription drugs in order to enjoy yourself at parties, sporting events, or other social gatherings?**

_yes_

**Have you ever tried and failed to reduce the amount or frequency of your prescription drug use?**

_no_

**When you're not able to take a prescription drug when you want one, or when you're trying to cut down or stop your prescription drug use, do you begin to feel anxious, agitated, physically ill, or otherwise not right?**

_yes_

**Have friends or loved ones ever expressed concern to you about your prescription drug use?**

_yes_

**Are you worried that you might have a problem with prescription drugs?**

_yes_

/////

the next day, steve said a sad goodbye to peppermint, giving her a hug, then heading out to the ambulance. he thought it was stupid that he couldn't drive himself, but his car was still at school and peppermint said he was a flight risk. so fine. 

when he was wheeled in to the main area, the lincoln unit, they called it, on a fucking  _gurney_ , no one even bat an eyelash. there were four people in the room, only one of whom made eye contact. he was young. too young for a place like this - freshman, maybe. he had curly brown hair and a trucker hat on. he smiled at steve as he climbed off the gurney, said, "hey! i'm dustin. how are you?"

"uh."

"sorry. dumb question. clearly you aren't great, if you're here -" 

dustin was rambling a bit, but a small girl in a massive sweatsuit said, "dustin. stop. he is overwhelmed." the girl looked at steve. "i am jane. what is your name?"

"uh. my name's steve." he furrowed his brow. he missed peppermint.

"hello, steve. i know you are nervous. don't be. it is nice here. there are some bad parts, but mostly it is good." she smiled tightly. "that is billy," she said, pointing at probably the most attractive person he'd ever seen in his life, seeming to be very focused on writing something down.  _shit._

"and that's johnathan," said dustin, gesturing to the corner, where a boy was sitting on a chair in the corner, arms folded, staring at the ceiling. "he's nice usually, but today is a bad day. withdrawals, y'know."

"what are you in here for, kid?" steve raised his eyebrows. 

"don't  _patronize_  me, steve. i'm bipolar. had a manic episode, can't remember much, but i ended up in the hospital and now i'm here." he crossed his arms. "and you are, at most, three years older than me. don't call me kid, please."

"uh, sorry. what about you, jane?" 

"my papa was a bad man. he hurt me bad. i got angry, and i hurt somebody." she frowned. "he was bad, too. i didn't hurt him bad. but the police came and put me in here. so i can get less angry." 

the blonde boy - billy - stood up from his writing and came over. he seemed dressed to the nines in his clean white shirt and denim jacket, at least compared to steve in his hospital pants and old t - shirt. "and what are you here for, pretty boy?" he leered, grinning up at steve. at least billy was shorter. 

jane tugged at his sleeve. "don't be mean, billy. can't you see he is scared enough already? remember how you were when you got here."

billy looked down at her, signed. "jane, you bring out the best in me." he didn't look happy about it.

"shut up. be nice to steve." 

the nurse came over then, said, "okay, billy. since you two are the same age, you'll be rooming together." 

steve must have looked startled, because billy said, "look, princess. i'm sorry. i'm here to be better, right? it was just force of habit. jane can vouch for me."

"can you stop with the nicknames?" steve crossed his arms.

billy grinned, and steve kind of wanted to punch him. but he was his roommate, and he was hot. so. he didn't. 

/////

there was a lot of commotion, after a few minutes of peace. it was lunch, so everyone filed in the doors, then left again. it was hectic. he couldn't leave the ward - no matter how many times he protested. suicide watch, they said. the other addict, johnathan, couldn't leave either. so they sat together eating mac and cheese. "you're jonathan, right? dustin pointed you out."

jonathan smiled, and it looked a bit out of place for him. "yeah, dustin's a good kid. knows me from outside here - he plays dnd with my brother and his friends."

"damn, really? is it weird, him seeing you here?"

"nah. i've always been the crackhead older brother. my drug problem wasn't a secret.'' he shook his head. 

"you're an addict?"

"yeah. overdosed and landed here a week ago. my girlfriend found me. i'm just glad it wasn't my brother." he looked sad all of a sudden. "what're you here for? you look like a suicide. or maybe anger issues." 

"overdose, same as you." it felt strange saying it out loud. but good, at the same time. "i guess i'm an addict. they made me take a questionnaire, and apparently i'm really fucked. that's what peppermint said, anyway. that was a volunteer at the hospital."

"oh, you're on prescription pills, aren't you? let me guess. painkillers. no, adderall." jon seemed really pleased with himself. 

"uh, yeah, actually. how did you know?" steve cocked an eyebrow. johnathan was nice, but intimidating. 

"please. your hair is too nice for you to be poor, like me, and crack is cheap. you do not, however, look rich enough to afford coke. i'm guessing you stole some from your probably absent mom and got hooked."

"shit, man. that's scary."

/////

"alright!" nurse jamie, who steve had figured out was the favorite of all the patients, clapped her hands. "it's time for check in. we have a new patient today, so let's take a moment to introduce ourselves." 

everyone was sat in a circle, on various couches and chairs. dustin was sitting on the floor. "steve, you start. name, age, and a fun fact."

"oh. okay. my name is steve, i'm seventeen, and i play basketball."

"i'm dustin, i'm fourteen, and my favorite subject is science."

"i'm jonathan, i'm seventeen, and i love photography."

"i'm victoria, i'm fifteen, and my favorite band is the cure." 

"i'm darren, i'm sixteen, and i love painting."

"i'm billy, i'm seventeen, and i'm from california."

"i'm jane. i don't know how old i am. my favorite book is  _where the sidewalk ends."_

steve startled. jane's life seemed even more fucked than his. which was a lot. and billy was from cali - which was shocking, somehow. hawkins wasn't a place you moved to. it was a place you got stuck in.

billy was too hot for a place like this. 

he seemed like a bit of a dick, though. so maybe that's why he was here. hawkins was full of small town dickheads who wanted to make it big, but they never did. maybe billy needed to be taken down a peg or two.

/////

after an equally bland dinner with jonathan, it was time for treatment focus. this meant that basically, you picked an activity that was somehow related to your treatment and spent an hour or two getting it done. 

steve was instructed to write a history of his addiction. he still felt strange, calling it that. wrong. but apparently it was something everyone did - the suicides wrote about that, the addicts, the eating disorders, the cutters. all of them, on the first day, wrote their history, and shared it in group.

it was taking him a long ass time, and he was over it. done. but billy came over and sat in front of him, leaning in a little too close. "hard, isn't it?"

"uh." steve held his notepad a little closer to his chest. 

"listen. i know i freaked you out, but... i'm better, okay? i used to be a real dickhead, and still kind of am. but i'm fuckin'... i'm teaching jane how to  _read,_ okay? she's really fucked up, her dad was a really bad guy. she doesn't even know how  _old_ she is, and i read her shel fuckin' whatever his name is. and my sister maxine, she used to hate me, but she visits all the time. she says she actually likes me now. i'm  _better."_

"you seem like you really want me to like you, huh?"

"i mean...  _yeah,_ i  _guess,_ you seem all sad and you look like the type of pretty rich boy i would've given hell to. and i want to  _change._ " billy looked a bit helpless, all of a sudden. "and, like, we're roommates, so we may as well get along."

steve nodded. "it's hard. writing this. i don't know how to pinpoint when everything started."

"want me to take a look at it?"

/////

after that fucking  _ordeal,_ it was time for group. they were supposed to share their progress. steve didn't have much to share. which was kind of fucking tragic, but whatever. everyone else had something. 

victoria had eaten a full meal. darren had finished a painting. dustin had talked to his mom. johnathan was a week clean. 

jane was practically vibrating with excitement.  "i read where the sidewalk ends to billy all by my myself," she said, grinning. "and i got it all right, even the  _ph_ words." 

billy smiled as well, ruffling her hair. "and i found an apartment in hawkins so i can move out of my parent's place but still stay close to my sister. and jane, of course."

steve crossed and uncrossed his arms, but billy was smiling at him, and billy had helped write his history, and billy was a good writer, and everyone here was as fucked up as he was. so maybe. "um, i finished the history of my addiction. should i...?" 

jamie nodded. "please. and remember, this is a safe place to share." 

steve looked over at billy's smile and started to read.

/////

"my parents were never around after i turned 15. they would leave for weeks. business trips. vacations. whatever. i was always home alone. and i started to get paranoid, y'know? i was afraid of the dark, and what was in it. my house is right on the edge of the woods, and i kept thinking that i was seeing monsters. i started having nightmares, really bad ones. i couldn't sleep through the night. so i stopped trying. i got obsessed with defending myself from the monsters. i took this baseball bat, pounded nails into it, and i would just sit on the edge of the woods with this bat and wait. not sure what i was waiting for. but then... last fall, i had a party, and this girl came. her name was amy. and she drowned in my pool. and after that, it just got worse. i couldn't sleep, and i couldn't wait outside because it just made me think of her." he took a deep breath. 

"i should have been paying more attention. but i wasn't, and a girl died. so i started taking my mom's pills. at first it was just so i could sleep, but then i started getting more anxious. so i took them before school, to relax. then i felt like shit when i was coming down, so i took more, then i ran out, so i started buying them illegally. then i took too many and passed out in class then i ended up here. my parents didn't even come back to hawkins. i had to ride the ambulance alone." he didn't realize he was crying until jane came over and tugged on his hand till he sat down. 

"i'm sorry. shit."

darren smiled. "don't be sorry. jane is the only one here who didn't cry talking about that stuff."

"even me, pretty boy."

"even you?"

"even me."

/////

a little bit after lights out, steve turned to billy. "why are you here, man? you seem normal enough."

billy turned around, facing steve. "my dad's a jackass. beat the hell outta me when he caught me... whatever. so i hit him back. got landed here. but the cop who came believed me, not him. and my step sister, max, she told the cops what had been happening, so they arrested my dad and put me here to  _process,_ or something."

"jesus. that's... really shitty. it doesn't seem like you belong here."

"no, i do. i was... really angry. and i took it out on other people. max - that's my sister - especially. being here has been good for me." he sighed. "i mean, i think my dad had some ulterior fuckin' motives for sending me to a mental hospital, but they've been good to me here."

"what do you mean ulterior motives?" steve raised his eyebrows. 

"nothing, really." billy looked scared and if he was anyone else then steve would let it go, but he was so drawn to him, he wanted to know everything.

"does it have to do with what he caught you doing?"

"i mean, yeah. i don't... i  _can't_ tell you. maybe when i know you better. maybe. but no promises."

"yeah, i'll take it."

/////

the next morning, steve woke up and billy was already awake, looking at him. "what time is it?"

"7:30. breakfast is in fifteen minutes. let's go, el wanted me to teach her how to play rummy."

"she doesn't know how to play rummy?"

"she doesn't know her own name, steve."

"oh. right."

when steve left and went to the common area, peppermint was there waiting. "no way. peppermint? what are you doing here?"

billy frowned. "is peppermint your fucking  _name?_ jesus h, that's unfortunate."

dustin and jonathan looked confused. "nance," dustin said, "who the fuck is peppermint?"

"nance? is that your name?"

"nancy. steve, it's so good to see you!"

"what's going on?" jonathan said, confused.

"i was a volunteer at the hospital steve ended up at."

"yeah, nancy's the best," dustin said. "she came to see me. she plays for me when i can't be at dnd and keeps me updated on what i missed."

something about that was so unfathomably  _sweet_ that steve almost started to cry, but then jonathan said "yeah, and nancy knows me as well."

if you blinked you would have missed it, but a look like disgust passed over nancy's face. billy, with his habit of making things tense, said, "yeah? what happened there to make her hate your ass then?" 

nancy glared.  _"who,_ exactly are  _you?"_

"damn, forgive me for being  _curious._ i'm billy." he crossed his arms. "it's cool what you're doing for the kid."

"my  _name,_ is  _dustin,_ i would love it if you called me by it." 

nancy smiled, ignoring dustin. "thanks. but it's fun, the kids are cool. my little brother plays. so it's no big deal." 

jamie came over, smiled. "nancy, dustin, the visitor's room is free."

nance and dustin disappeared into the visiting room, and jamie turned to steve and billy. "okay, boys. time for treatment focus."

/////

billy was sitting  _close._ and like, this was really  _not_ the place to find a boyfriend, nevermind a boyfriend like billy, who, if he wasn't  _violently_ against fags like steve, which he probably was, he for  _sure_ wouldn't be into  _him_ , of all people.

but their legs were pressing together and billy was leaning over to look at steve's paper (positive affirmations) and he was breathing down his neck, and it was kind of  _a lot._  

steve was trying to focus, but it wasn't going awesome, and the positive affirmations weren't going well. he felt like shit and he wished that his parents were with him. he was having nightmares again and nothing seemed to make them go away. "do you get used to being here?"

"not really. it gets better, but... i don't know."

"i don't know how to be better. i don't know who i am without all my baggage."

"neither does anyone."

/////

later, after lights out, as they looked up at the ceiling from their shitty twin beds nailed to the floor, steve said, "tell me about california."

"i loved it. there were assholes, but everyone seemed so much more free than in this town. you could hate somebody, but they would be there if shit got really messed up. maybe that's not a cali thing, maybe that's just where i'm from. i don't know. i lived near the beach, and me and my ma used to go out with one of those portable radios and have dances. sometimes i would bring my friends, till i got older. wish i kept bringing them.

"my dad met my stepmom a few years after my mom died, and things got a bit better. susan, that's her name, she's not a good person. but her daughter maxine, she's one of the best people i've ever met. she's a total tomboy. she has this really long hair that never seems to get untangled, and she used to skateboard everywhere. if she was moving, she loved it. she and her friends used to braid beads into each other's hair and go to the roller rink so it would fling around.

"it was beautiful. i miss it. i'm going back there as soon as i can."

steve smiled. it was nice, seeing someone love something that much. then a thought occurred to him, much more unsavory. "you have anyone back home?" 

billy laughed, a short puff of breath. "no way, pretty boy. no way in hell. used to. but it wasn't... didn't end well for either of us."

"your dad?" 

"yeah, my dad."

"i'm sorry."

"don't be, princess. it wasn't exactly a good relationship anyway."

steve thought that him and billy could have a good relationship, but shoved that thought away as quickly as possible.


End file.
